


More than you will ever know.

by Miss_Barbara



Series: Every day in a new way. [2]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-29
Updated: 2012-02-29
Packaged: 2017-10-31 21:50:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/348705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Barbara/pseuds/Miss_Barbara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We can't get everything we wish for, no matter how much we want it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	More than you will ever know.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, thanks to fififolle for the beta reading.

It had been a little over a month ago that David Parrish realized that he wasn't alone anymore. He liked to think of it as his new life. When he had finally taken the time to look around he had noticed that he knew more people here, that people also knew him, and were genuinely interested in him. He really liked that change.

It was a Wednesday, and that meant that Lorne would come and get him for dinner. He had been having dinner more frequently with the man. Sometimes alone and sometimes with Jack and Ashton. David wasn't really sure how he felt about that. Evan was a great guy, really attractive, funny. A great catch if you were in to men. David wasn't sure what he was into, science had always been his mistress, and she demanded as much attention as he could give.

He wondered if he could tell Evan about his feelings or if the man would hit him square in the jaw. It wasn't as if he was anything like his father, but it was still a sensitive subject, the whole 'gay in the military' thing.

After a few minutes of pondering he decided to just take what he could get - if it was being treated as a decent human being by someone he cared about, he would happily take that.

And if he felt just a little funny every time he saw Evan, or always dressed in black because the man had said it looked nice on him, it wasn't really anyone’s problem but his own.

\---

Evan nervously tugged at the bottom of his BDU jacket. The thing wasn't ugly, per se, and most of the Atlantis personnel wore it, but lately it felt like David was dressing up a little when they were meeting for something and he felt under-dressed.

It was always great to meet up with David. He had really come out of his shell, so to speak, after his birthday party. He talked and joked with people, and even though it wouldn't make up for his undoubtedly crappy youth, it really did him well. Between them something just clicked. They could talk about a lot of subjects and Evan never felt dumb, even though it was obvious how smart David was.

The door to Botany lab 6 opened already for Evan, as if Atlantis was eager to let him in and he gave a shout to announce his presence.

“I'll be right out!” came the answer from the little room in the back of the lab. It was David's office or whatever. Evan never could figure out what exactly he did there.

He was looking at some blue flower-thingy when David appeared, all long legs, his hair tousled and on the egde of spiky plus a fitting black shirt, and Evan had to lock his knees in order not to fall over. He silently cursed his own outfit.

“It appears to be some sort of Agapanthus,” he mentioned, motioning towards the plant. “But let's go to dinner, I am starving,” he said, leaving Lorne to follow him.

See, the thing is, Evan liked David. He liked him a whole lot and he was pretty sure that David liked him back. (And didn’t that sound like a conversation between third graders?) Except for the fact that David had no clue about liking people. He hadn't been liked, let alone loved, by his parents and it wouldn't be abnormal for him to respond the the tiniest bit of love to him. Plus, there was the whole end of his career thing as he got reported to the brass.

He wasn’t much of a thinker about this sort of thing and the whole ‘David situation’ generally gave him a headache. But he wondered who was really capable of resisting the man? He had it on good authority that even McKay liked him. As much as McKay ever liked people of course.

Evan didn’t notice that David had stopped walking until he bumped into David.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, looking up. “You know that you are really tall from down here?” he said, enjoying the laugh David gave.

“I was thinking about getting some food and then maybe go out on a balcony or something,” he suggested. “The weather is nice enough and I have been cramped up in my lab all day.”

It’s not like Evan can refuse David anything so a good ten minutes later they are sitting on a quiet balcony outside the mess hall. The ‘food’ is something that looks like mac and cheese but it’s not the worst they they had ever had and conversation flows easily between them.

\---

When the sun finally sets Evan stands up, but David doesn’t really want to leave. It’s comfortable, familiar and not nearly enough.

The walk to his room was tense. Evan has this habit of walking him to his room and when they finally stand in the open door he can’t help himself any longer. Pulling Evan inside he closed the door and cornered him against the wall. 

“Tell me you want this too,” he breathed, head next to Evan’s. “Tell me I am not imagining this.”

His heart is beating too fast, his palms are sweaty and it is killing him that he can’t touch Evan. He is so freaking close, but somehow it still feels like he is miles away.

He felt little puffs of breath against his cheek, time stretching out.

For a second it was like the world had stopped moving, as if the universe was centered around them. But then Evan pushed him away and ducked out under his arms.

“David,” he started. “It’s not... We can’t... I’m,” but before he even finished what he is trying to say he fled out of the door.

The reality came crashing back as the door closed. He scared away the best friend he had ever had. Sure, there is Katie, who decided for herself that she was his best friend, but really. It was not like she could compare to Evan.

\---

Today was a really good day to get drunk. Evan continued to do so with the bottle of bourbon. He had it stored away for a special occasion and even though it wasn’t the kind of occasion he had in mind, it was certainly special enough.

If he had only explained why it couldn’t be, but instead he had run away, stammering.

Sighing, he took another mouthful of the bitter liquid. If he kept doing this he was going to be very lonely when he retired.

\---

“Stop moping around.” Katie’s voice cut in as he was mindlessly re-potting some Cucumis Sativa. 

“Am not,” he defended. “I might be a bit gloomy around the edges, but I am not moping.”

“You fell in love, didn’t you?” she asked as she gave him one of her many hugs. “I am sorry to hear that, I was hoping that you would find a nice girl, really, but I take it that is not the case?”

He nodded, thankful for her ability to keep up a conversation with minimal input from him.

“Tell me about it,” she demanded, her left foot tapping on the grey floor.

“He is military,” David said because he wasn’t going to share his failure of a love life with her.

“Oh sweetie,” she said, giving him another hug, and did those ever stop?

Releasing him she took a step back and punched his arm. “Did you lose your mind?” she demanded. “You knew upfront it could never be.”

“I didn’t lose my mind,” he smiled. “It was mine to give away.”


End file.
